What I then witnessed were some of the most offensive and tasteless cartoons in the history of cinema. And I'm gonna break it down for y'all.
Let's start with this treasure:
You know it's going to be good when it opens on an orphanage.
The basic premise is this - there's a bunch of little kids (girls, I think, but it's kind of ambiguous) in a dilapidated orphanage and they wake up on Christmas morning. Overjoyed at the promise of presents, the gender-bending orphans leap out of bed and dance around the room, singing jubilantly about Santa Claus. How sweet!
The first disturbing thing about this video is that there is no parental presence at all. Obviously they're orphans, but there's no headmaster or any kind of authority figure whatsoever. The place is clearly run by children, who are just dancing around and tearing their stockings off the walls, and you get a definite Lord of the Flies vibe. There's also a baby running around and tripping over her distressingly long nightgown. One of the kids is probably nursing this baby, for all we know. So the kids grab their stockings and unwrap their presents, and while this is happening you have this ominous feeling that something terrible is about to occur. And it does.
As if that weren't bad enough, the director of this piece thought it would be a good idea to pan around the room and show all of the orphans wailing in tandem, clutching their broken presents, their battered Christmas tree drooped over in the background. I can't find a screencap of the image, but it's reminiscent of the scene in Gone with the Wind where the Union invades Atlanta and Scarlett is trying to find Doctor Meade amidst the devastation. The director zooms out and, at once, the fall of the South is apparent.
|Merry Christmas, kids!|
|Try not to be so poor next year, kid.|
Grampy is an inventor and a professor, as evidenced by the sign on the side of his stagecoach. I'm pretty sure Grampy is a "professor" in the same way that Dr. Mary from Frasier had a doctorate from the School of Hard Knocks. Grampy rides around town in a stagecoach and sings about Christmas, as professors do, and during his ride he overhears the cacophony of wailing orphans. What the eff? thinks Grampy, and he pulls over at the Oprhanage to have a look. He peeks in and sees the kids -- still wailing, except now they are trudging slowly back to bed and pulling the covers over their heads to cry separately. Seriously.
Grampy might be a lunatic, but he's not heartless. He sees the crying orphans and he just can't abide. So he puts on his thinking cap and has a fantastic idea...an idea that involves a B&E.
|Hide yo kids, hide yo wife|
Anyway, Grampy breaks in and proceeds to upturn every shelf in the kitchen. He empties all the cupboards and drawers and puts all the silverware and plates and kitchen appliances in the center of the room in a big Hoarders-style pile. Grampy is completely oblivious to the fact that if the children were to walk in the kitchen and find a hysterically-laughing stranger in there, they would probably be rightfully upset. Thankfully, the kids are all crying too hard to even notice Grampy at all.
So Grampy continues to wreck the kitchen and the children are still crying in their beds. Then, systematically, he breaks every single one of their posessions and remakes it into a toy. While it's oddly sweet that Grampy takes the time to make them presents, and as a viewer you're starting to feel relieved that the kids will get some Christmas toys they've so wrongfully been deprived of, I'd like to remind you that these kids are poor as shit. And some psycho just broke in their house and destroyed all the things they need for their livelihood - like their washing board. And their dishes. And their sewing machine. And their clothes.
|The hell is that?|
|Blanket, you say? NOT ANYMORE! Santa needs a coat!|
Creepiest. Christmas. Ever.